Wycombe

“Customer obsession is in my DNA, but we are working very hard to ensure that it is in the DNA of my business as well – and we have come a long way on that journey” – Neil Brettell, Allianz Retail General Manager, Post Magazine, 11 September.

“Twickenham is etched into rugby’s DNA” – Rugby World Cup 2015 website.

“Environment is in our DNA” – Stephen Gilbert MP, Lib Dem conference, 7 October

“As eighth-generation cider makers, Henry and his brother Barry have apple juice in their DNA” – Sunday Telegraph, 5 October.

The above are all quotes under the heading of “DNA Samples” in a recent Private Eye. They’ve clearly picked up on “DNA” being the latest bollocky buzz acronym.

At Oxford United they are obsessed with this shite. From the Oxford Mail on 12 September – Mark Ashton explains the system in detail: “We are recommended players on a daily basis from agents, scouts, contacts, other clubs, fans, you name it. It’s Mark Thomas’s job to sort and sift those names into a priority order and benchmark them against the individual DNA we have written down for each Oxford United position”.

God give me strength. Look where it’s getting us. We’re in fecking League Two. Near the bottom of League Two. You don’t need to get all bloody technical. What you need is to get the basics right for starters. Get organised and hard to beat. Know what to do when the opposition have possession. We don’t. Does that little conundrum ever enter the heads of Michael Appleton, Derek Fazackerley and Mickey Lewis? I don’t think they’ve got a clue. FFS Lewis must have seen enough of this league to know what it is all about. “Excuse me Michael but I think you’re talking out of your arse”. He wouldn’t say that though would he because he’d be out on loan before you can say “deoxyribonucleic acid”. But in his case it wouldn’t be a loan it would be the sack and turkeys don’t vote for Christmas.

We’re such an easy touch it is getting a bit embarrassing. Wycombe embarrassed us. They were superior. This hurts me like f**k.

We were supposed to be the home team but did very little attacking. Whatever we’re trying to do we’re not very good at it. We didn’t play good football. I wasn’t entertained. It wasn’t until the half hour mark that we came forward with a bit of meaning and got the crowd going. Before then we’d had one effort on goal that I can recall. That was from Danny Hylton. He had no support of note so just hit a run of the mill shot which the keeper easily saved.

We did very little at pace and this pissing about at the back makes me want to tear my hair out. Time and again we got ourselves into trouble. I’d describe a lot of what we did as brainless. Tim, who sits in front of me made a good observation about the number of times that Tareiq Holmes-Dennis was given the ball in really difficult situations. Thankfully he is a footballer of ability and was able to get away with it but he should never have been put in such positions. This will form part of his football education and somewhere down the line a club will benefit. That club will not be Oxford United.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I think we’ve got the players. But we’ve not got the manager. I have never been one to yell for a manager to go after only a matter of months but could easily make an exception in this instance. But it’s not a straightforward thing is it? Apparently the whole of the new regime are of the same deluded DNA. I’d prefer a manager with some proper League Two DNA in them.

But hey, we’ll be alright when the transfer window opens in January and we bring in some more players. Yeah, right. They’ll be required to play the way we are playing now. That way is largely a losing way.

There will be times when it will all come together and we play football that is so very pretty that it comes wrapped in nice pink bows and the goals flow in sweet abundance. But those times are going to be few and far between and largely outnumbered by performances like we saw on Saturday. Listening to Radio Oxford, Appleton thinks it will eventually all come right. Doubt it mate. Take a look at the evidence.

We didn’t deserve to be winning at half time and if the ever willing Danny Hylton had converted his second penalty the point we would have gained would not have been deserved.

However good or bad we are, never a game goes by without some big “ifs and buts” and these usually involve some clown wearing whatever referees wear these days. Saturday’s clown was Tim Robinson.

Alfie Mawson had committed what looked like a bad challenge on Andy Whing. Could well have been a yellow card even if nothing else had occurred. But then as the tangled pair got to their feet the Wycombe man swung an elbow at Whingy. I thought it made contact with the face; my son said body. Irrelevant really because that has to be a red card any which way up. But no, just the yellow.

We’ll never know how the game would have gone if we’d only had to face ten men for 80 minutes.

Robinson, whilst not being afraid to give penalties, was one of those referees whose lack of authority stood out. When we got our first penalty did anyone know what was going on in the referee’s head? He did not seem to signal for anything. His linesman seemed to be pointing for a corner. I initially thought we’d been given a free kick just outside the box even though I knew the infringement was inside. Then for a moment I thought Hylton was going to be booked for diving. But a penalty it was, rightly.

A few other observations from the game.

“We’ve NOT got our Alfie back” on that showing. He was anonymous. Whether that was his fault or the way we played with him getting very little decent ball is debatable.

Again, I wanted to see more from Tyrone Barnett. He swept some decent balls from one side of the pitch to the other but never seems to have a light touch when passing and did not look remotely like scoring.

I didn’t approve of the number of times the team from just down the M40 blocked our runners off the ball.

There was something of which I approved though. It happened in the second half close to the dugouts. There was a proper tackle. Crunching. 100% commitment from both participants. Two insteps met the ball at the same time with no thought of leaving a little bit on the man. It mattered not (well not much) to me that it was the Chairboy who appeared to come out on top. This is largely a lost art in the modern game. But then a split second later there was a second such challenge. The contestant representing Oxford United was Andy Whing. He won. I loved it. But that was a fleeting moment.

Next Saturday brings the FA Cup first round and another away game at a Conference outfit with memories of last season’s trips to Gateshead and Wrexham still fairly fresh in the mind. We were almost running on empty then with a squad seriously depleted by injuries but we got through by sheer guts, determination and desire. The circumstances and conditions in which these games were played demanded it. Tom Newey and David Hunt were instrumental in this with both playing at centre half when required. Just a thought.

There will be some / many who think that I am being way too harsh here and that I should give Appleton and co. more time before spouting off such views. But I’ve looked at the evidence and cannot see anything that tells me otherwise, that things will change for the better. If someone can provide soundly argued reasons why things will get better as this season progresses and next season we’ll be right up there I’d love to hear them. Seriously. It would do me good.