Southend United

Southend United appear determined to live up to their billing as Essex Boys, with their chairman subject to allegations of a sexual assault (an accusation that he vigorously denies, as our libel lawyers would be sure to make us point out, if we had any) and the whole club giving off an aura of Ford Cortinas with fluffy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror, white stilettos, and mushy peas. The latest news from the Shrimpers is that Adam Barrett and Alan McCormack had their contracts cancelled by mutual consent after both players refused to sign new contracts.

Southend were formed in 1906, getting onto the football bandwagon rather later than most of their peers. They started life in the Southern League, winning the Division Two title in 1908. They moved to the Kursaal in 1919 and became high-flyers the following year, when they were elected to the Football League, joining the Third Division South.

Southend finished runners-up in Division Three South in 1950, but in those days only the champions were promoted which is a shame. Southend moved to Roots Hall in 1955, and three years later they joined the new Division Three following the restructuring of the League to create Division Four and abolish the regional Third Divisions. In 1966 the club was relegated to the Fourth Division where they remained for six years until they finished second to Grimsby Town in 1972.

In 1976 Southend found themselves relegated back to the Fourth Division, but they won promotion two years later before being relegated again in 1980. The following season Southend were Division Four champions, but found themselves back in the basement in 1984. They were promoted again in 1987, during which year their financial predicament had led to them being loaned money by Robert Maxwell, among others (the other being Ken Bates). They were relegated again in 1989 but were back in the Third the following season and the season after that they finished second to win promotion to Division Two for the first time.

Southend remained in the second tier for six seasons before finishing bottom in 1997, dropping straight through Division Three into the basement the following season. They reached the final of the LDV Vans Trophy in 2004, losing 2-0 to Blackpool at the Millennium Stadium, and they reached the final again the following season, this time going down 2-0 to Wrexham. That didn't really matter though, as they beat Lincoln City 2-0 in the play-off final to win promotion back to the Third Division, which they won as champions the next season to find themselves back in the Second Division in 2006. This time they only lasted one season before being relegated and although they reached the Third Division play-offs in 2008 they were thrashed 5-1 at Doncaster in the semi-finals, following a 0-0 draw at Roots Hall. In 2009 Southend finished just one place below the play-off spaces, before finishing second-bottom of Division Three last season to find themselves back among the dead men.

In theory this season will be Southend's last at Roots Hall before moving to a new